Last month my 12-year old son, Adam showed me a homework assignment he’d just completed for French. A postcard to be sent to a fictitious friend describing himself, his family and his favourite activities. In between “Je ne l’aime pas quand il pleut” (I don’t like it when it rains either) and “J’aime jouer au football” (which…… Continue reading Always something to worry about
Cheryl Strayed’s book, Wild, chronicles her solo adventures on the Pacific Crest Trail. Her main reason for the journey? To find herself again. After the premature death of her mother, at age 45, to cancer. In addition to mourning the loss of her mother’s person, she’s grieving having not yet finished being mothered. At 22,…… Continue reading A job unfinished
If I’ve learned anything about grief it’s to expect the unexpected. Moments when your heart sings so loud it drowns out all the sad feelings. Watching your oldest child graduate from high school. Hearing the applause at the end of your husband’s public lecture. Receiving a hand-drawn card from your 12-year old son. And those…… Continue reading The last time that happened I was in high school
Have you ever noticed how, when something out of the ordinary happens in your life, you begin to see it everywhere you look? As if your eyes have been opened to a possibility you hadn’t imagined until it happened to you? This has been my experience with child loss. Since Clara passed away an astonishing proportion…… Continue reading Sittin’ eyes wide open
The snow that has blanketed the lower mainland for much of the past two months is finally gone. While I’ve certainly done my fair share of complaining about it and wishing for it to melt, I’m also sad that it’s gone. Sad, because Clara loves the snow and I love Clara. “Mom, can we go winter camping, when…… Continue reading Snow angel
Monday is Family Day. A fairly new holiday in B.C. A day where schools are closed and many grownups don’t have to report for work. A holiday we never really paid attention to before Clara died. And one that we’re not quite sure what to do with after. Last year, in a desperate attempt to keep…… Continue reading Just another day off
For much of Clara’s life my husband and I lived with fear. Not a giant, constantly-at-the-front-of-your-mind fear. But a quieter, more subtle murmuring of fear that would bubble to the surface every now and then, increasing in intensity as the date of yet another doctor’s appointment or procedure approached, then receding into the background as it…… Continue reading What’s left to fear?
For most of my parenting life I’ve been the leader. As in, the one who leads. Both literally and by example. Leading my toddlers safely across the street. Taking the lead on baking adventures. Being the first to cross the river on the moss-covered log. Jumping into the pool to test how cold the water…… Continue reading Where you lead, I will follow
Lately, I’ve heard from several friends and acquaintances who wanted to reach out to me on November 6th, but didn’t. Mainly because they didn’t want to add to the sadness of the day (there’s nothing they could have said that would have made me feel more sad). But also because they weren’t sure what to…… Continue reading There’s nothing magical about a year
Much of the grieving process focuses on the person we’ve lost (daughter, sister, niece, friend) How much we miss their touch, their smile, their voice and their laughter (those oh-so-unique hands) How the memories and photographs we have of them will have to sustain us until we see them again (in a meadow full of flowers;…… Continue reading Things we don’t do any more
Tattooed on my Heart 